Why We Fear Change

fear-changeOne common misperception we tend to have is that things stay the same. When in fact, we are always growing and changing. As our bodies grow throughout life, so do our minds, our ability to handle emotions, and so does our spirituality. We have the ability to choose where we focus our attention—from our feelings, to our thoughts, to the actions we take. However, before we make a change, we are often afraid of the unknown. This is a natural response, but some of us get stuck in fear and become unable or unwilling to change. If you find yourself resisting change or being stuck, take yourself out of the emotions, and ask yourself a more logical question: how do you define personal success for yourself?

Think back to how you have adapted to change in the past. How did you deal with: new teachers and classmates when you were in school? How about when you get sick? When there is an accident? When you began a new job? On your first date? Or before you had your first child? This may give you an indication to how much you resist or look forward to change.

Setbacks, failures, mistakes, and experience mold our resiliency. How we’re able to interpret these speed bumps determine how resilient we are when new things come our way. Your life outlook—whether you’re a glass is half full (optimistic) or half empty (pessimistic)—determines how quickly you bounce back or learn from life experiences.

Much of our success depends on knowing how to get back up again and move forward.

The great news is we can always change our perspective. Having some fear of the unknown is normal. Having some fear makes us more alert and aware to navigating a new situation with heightened senses. We get stuck in fear when we hold on too much to the past. What did you come up with for how you define personal success?

We all have our own definition of what being successful means to us. As we grow older, we often pursue careers, interests, and hobbies. Sometimes we pursue things based on what others tell us we should be doing. Even if that happens to us, we can re-correct to our true path of awareness and fulfillment. If we view each thing that happens to us as learning experiences, then we can become increasingly more in-tune with our internal compass of what to do based on our higher good. You do this by asking yourself whether something sits well, feels good, or resonates with your definition of personal success before you take action.

If we listen to our internal guidance of what is best for us or most suited to our talents, then most likely we embrace and welcome change, because we’ve learned to follow paths that most resonate with our spiritual purpose. You can self-correct back to what’s best for you by first becoming aware of what success personally means to you.

The four steps that John Gray, PhD, suggests we follow from his book How to Get What You Want, and Want What You Have to pursue personal success are:

  1. Set your intention
  2. Get what You need
  3. Get what You want
  4. Remove the blocks to personal success.

If you’re unsure of how to do this, do not have time to read copiously, or need to process what you’re learning with someone this is where coaching can help speed you through the growing pains. A coach aware of this growth process keeps you accountable to your definition of success, as well as providing valuable feedback and encouragement.

A great coach matches your pace and helps expand your comfort zone. As you try new things and learn from the setbacks you become more comfortable with change. A coach helps you move at a faster pace, because they identify the actions you need to take to realize your goals, and then keep you honest and on track.

As you expand your horizons, you become more comfortable with growth. In the end the daily actions in pursuit of your goals enable you to achieve your personal definition of success. Your definition of success is what matches the deep longing within yourself to make a difference in the world. When you pursue personal success, it will help you embrace change, because each new experience gets you one step closer to your full potential. Happy travels!