How many of you have tried to motivate an employee to get with the program? How many have written it off as not their problem? How many of you have tried to motivate this employee and failed spectacularly? Do you know the difference between motivating and inspiring others? And, did you know that what inspires a male generally does not inspire a female? Mars Venus Coaching explains how men and women’s communication styles are different, but equal. When you understand these dynamics, then you are able to tap into and help people draw out their potential like never before, because you are speaking to their heart when you speak their same language at the same time you inspire them to greatness.
Let’s first address the difference between motivation and inspiration. Basically, you can motivate anyone to do small things faster. However, when you are externally driving a person to work more or faster, the effect lasts as long as your persistence lasts and is short-lived at best. As a leader in order to inspire an employee to greatness, you must use a little more time and patience as you focus on educating them to draw out their own conclusion. The key is to find their “why.” If you can get a person to identify why it is important to them that they themselves be more productive, you will unlock intrinsic motivation for the person to keep excelling according to their own will.
Now that you understand the difference between motivating and inspiring an employee, let’s look at the different ways you would do this for a man verses a woman. The way in which you find a person’s “why” depends on their gender, because men and women communicate differently. A large majority of the challenges we experience across gender begin with the different ways the gender’s use language to communicate. The words we use (or don’t), and the meanings we attach to those words affect how we view each other. Sometimes we use exactly the same words but attach completely different meanings to them. The easiest way to remember the difference is the preference for men to use “I” and women to use “we” when speaking. Women’s communication style is from a point of inclusion, because they are socialized to be inclusive, i.e. maintain harmony; and consequently, women tend to use “we” when speaking. Men, however, are socialized for independence and tend to exclusively use “I” when speaking.
Remember, the best way to inspire an employee is to get them to tap into their “why” behind what they are doing, by using gender intelligent communication. Below are a few pointers on using gender intelligent communication:
To Inspire Men:
Avoid Tag Endings
Be Direct and Concise
Direct and Simple Acknowledgement
To Inspire Women:
Avoid Monopolizing the Conversation
Respect Her Abilities
Involve: Do NOT Lecture
Be Precise and Specific with Praise