When In Doubt, Mars Venus says Write it down

This is not a Calendar

This is not a Calendar

It’s amazing what a little organization can do to alleviate stress. Mars Venus teaches this is so many facets of life no matter what the application.

Many decades ago when I was much much younger, I didn’t know anything about organization.  Franklin Covey wasn’t in my vocabulary just yet and neither was Mars Venus.  What I did have was a boyfriend, and still to this very day a good friend, named David that noticed that sometimes I was stressed about my daily schedule. Naturally between college, work and a relationship, I was pretty busy.   He would often ask me what I had to do that day.  My eyes would kind of glaze over and I would glance through my imaginary calendar (We all have one, it’s written in thin air) and pull everything out of sequence.  “TADA!  There is it!  My schedule” I would say with pride.  David would look at me and tell me three simple little words that would change my life.  “Write it Down.”  He’d continue, “When everything is rolling around in your head, you waste time going from one point to another and you will always forget something.”   God Bless David.  Many years later I still hear your voice telling me “Write It Down.”  Kind of annoying really but I understand it more now than ever before.

Mars Venus Stresses (pardon the pun) the importance of organization as a tool to avoid stress.  Use a calendar, any calendar whether it is Franklin Covey®, Day Runner® or the frivolous chachkie you got from your insurance agent.  Every hour of every day should be plotted out in advance.  This will not only avoid over booking but it will avoid hurt feelings as well.  Just think of it.  You have an appointment written in your head, not a good place, and then a niece wants to spend time with you. Of course you say “yes” not thinking about your “head” schedule.  Now what do you do?  You Stress!   You have just put yourself in the situation where someone is going to be hurt. And you only have yourself to blame.  Business is business. If you miss an appointment, you lose a potential client plus any referrals.  That translates to dollars and cents and ultimately loss of income.   Your calendar is should not be floating around in air.

Once you have established a schedule, you should then take 15 minutes at the beginning of the week to review the week and 15 minutes every morning to review and prioritize your day.  This will refresh your memory as to what you have planned for that week thus eliminating the stress factor.

We have enough stress in our lives without adding to it by relying on our memory.  If you deal with your appointments and the more important items on your calendar you can work in the less important items in as the day progresses.  Some items may have to be moved to the next day but at least you know where you stand at every turn.  Just remember not to take on more than you can handle.  No one has super powers.  Allow yourself ample time in between appointments and/or errands.

Keeping in mind, there are only so many hours in a day.  You have to schedule the most important time every day.  That’s “Me” time.  It’s been a long day and you deserve it.

Dolores Baltierra

Mars Venus Coaching

 

 

 

Mars Venus raises the Martians Productivity

I'm replenishing my testosterone

I’m replenishing my testosterone

One of the most often cited reasons why people seek out coaching is to become more efficient with their time management.  Outcomes from the 2010 ICF Global Consumer Awareness Study, show more than two-fifths (42.6 percent) of coaching clients choose “optimize individual and/or team performance” as their motivation for being coached,  followed by “expand professional career opportunities” at 38.8 percent and “improve business management strategies” at 36.1 percent. Mars Venus asks, as a male do you find yourself worn out at the end of the day? Even though you are now working longer hours, do you think you are as productive? At Mars Venus, we teach train two ways to combat unproductiveness: (1) replenish testosterone stores daily and (2) clearly defined SMART goals.

Do you remember when you were more productive? Do you think it has to do with having more energy and focus? You may recall being more productive when you were younger or when you were well-rested—like after a holiday weekend or after doing something with your male friends. This is because you topped off your stores of testosterone. In a relaxed state you are more productive, because your focus is better.

There are physiological reasons for why you are more productive when you spend time resting and relaxing. For males your stress-reducing hormone is testosterone. For women it is oxytocin. This is partly why asking your girlfriend, mom, wife, sister, or female co-worker to relax, sit down and rest, forget about it, or do something different may be met by resistance on their part. These kinds of activities are not stress-reducing for women if they have many things to do. However, for men when you shift gears to easier tasks such as:

  • reading an article,
  • checking sports scores,
  • watching a TV show,
  • surfing the internet, or
  • just sitting and doing nothing,
  • forgetting the problem for awhile, or
  • taking a nap

What you are doing when you are doing these activities is replenishing your testosterone stores. If you ask a woman to do the same thing it can have the opposite effect and increase her stress. You can learn more about this by attending one of our Mars Venus Coaches seminars or taking an eWorkshop if you’re really crunched for time. Your relationships will improve at work and at home. And, when males anticipate coming home to a successful relationship…it’s a testosterone producer! So what does replenishing testosterone daily have to do with productivity?

Mar Venus realizes that for men it takes longer to replenish testosterone stores on a daily basis, and if you’re productivity is suffering, it may be due in part to not taking enough time EVERY day replenishing your testosterone. If you felt more productive when you were younger, it’s because you produce less testosterone as you age. I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking, “great, but the bottom line is I have more responsibilities, and the pressures on me to perform. I don’t have time to take time to sit and do nothing.” When we experience chronic stress in our lives, then there is excess cortisol (this as well as adrenaline are the stress-producing hormones) in your body which inhibits testosterone production.

The way you attack being more productive then gets into creating SMART goals. Your goals professionally and personally need to be:

S—Specific

M—Measurable

A—Achievable

R—Results-Oriented

T—Time Bound

Once you sit down, write out, and create your SMART goals, complete them when you say you will, and work on them every day. If you are doing things that are not a part of your goals, then you must choose to keep doing them or not. By writing and following through on your goals you learn how to prioritize and manage your time. If you don’t know where to start or what’s important, then this is when coaching may help you gain clarity and accountability to follow through on your intentions.

The way you make sure that you stay productive is to incorporate down time as part of your SMART goals every day so you ensure time to replenish testosterone throughout the day, especially on the busy jam-packed days. Make sure you have an objective person hold you accountable to your goals so you don’t slack off on what’s really important to you. Not only will you be more productive, you will be more successful and satisfied with the quality of your life.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

 

Mars Venus on Strong Leadership

Mars Venus firmly believes leaders are not born. They are molded by mentors they respect that have been, in turn, trained and guided by their mentors. A leader is created and the whole process starts inside the most dangerous place you’ll ever encounter  your own mind. How can you become a strong leader who inspires others, drives people toward excellence, holds people accountable, and instills a sense of trust?

Mars Venus teaches what makes a great leader. Here are some things you can do to become the leader you’ve always wanted to be:

1. Control yourself. Mars Venus teaches the art of self control.  Every great leader in history has had to become a master of self-discipline and willpower in order to stay focused on the big picture. If you don’t have a goal or the drive to achieve it, you can’t lead others to attain theirs.

• Follow through in everything you do. As challenging as it may be, you need to be disciplined enough to be where you need to be, when you need to be there, whether you want to or not. By being strong in your resolve and resisting temptation to give up, you are setting an example for others to live up to.

• Choose your emotional response to a situation carefully. Sometimes you’ll need to practice the art of silencing your inner thoughts when they’re not appropriate in order to set a positive example.

2. Project your goals. Mars Venus believes if the people you’re leading don’t completely understand the deeper meaning in their work, they won’t share your vision or work ethic. Every step of the way, communicate with your team to make sure they’re on the same wavelength and know what you expect of them.

• Get your team involved in the planning process and the implementation of your ideas. This gives everyone a greater sense of ownership toward the end result. 3. Praise highly and criticize constructively. The way you praise and criticize others can make all the difference in being able to lead effectively.

• Make sure you publicly praise the people who do excellent work for you. You’ll give the person a sense of accomplishment and the drive to do even better.

• When someone does something wrong, offer constructive criticism and do it privately. Suggest solutions on how they can improve and take the time to answer any questions. They’ll accept your input more willingly if they know it’s done to help and not to harm.

4. Know your people. You can’t truly lead a group of people unless you truly understand their hopes, dreams, struggles, pains, and goals. All the good intentions in the world mean nothing unless you have a true sense of the people you’re working with.

• Talk to your team and get to know them. Getting to know each other on a personal level will strengthen the bond between you. They’ll want to do better for you because you’re more than just a “boss.”  Mars Venus suggest having simple periodic group gatherings such as lunch in order to get to know and understand each other.

• Be their leader, first, and their friend second. You’re their leader and that means that you have to make difficult decisions from time to time. These decisions cannot be affected by personal relationships.

5. Make the hard call. There are times when you have to bite the bullet and make some unpleasant decisions. Firing, demoting, and holding people accountable for their actions can be very hard at times. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to handle these matters. Regardless of where your leadership role takes you, believe that you can be a strong leader.

Remember that in order to lead others, you must be disciplined yourself. After all, your actions will speak louder than anything you can say. In order to gain the respect of others, strive to lead by example in every area of your life. When you follow these simple guidelines, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a true leader!

Mars Venus Speaks out on Equality of Men and Women in the Workplace

Mars Venus is of the premise, that contrary to popular belief, men and women are not equal. Despite what we have been led to believe, let it be said again, men and women are not created equal. We are different, and the corporate world is now ready to embrace this reality, rather than continue to operate on the fallacy that men and women should be treated the same. Should I even broach the topic that corporate is still being run from a man’s perspective; meaning it is still weighted to men’s communication and leadership styles? Mars Venus teaches the unique gender differences, not just at first glance anatomy wise, but also physiologically from the way we have different hormones which reduce our stress levels, to our style of communicating. Recent neurological studies show how men and women’s brains differ when communicating, when under stress, and when reducing stress. Mars Venus applauds the companies that embrace gender intelligent communication.  Those companies are rising to the top of the Forbes lists. Still, both men and women alike continue to comment on why it doesn’t make sense that the few women who make it to top executive positions are still reaching a glass ceiling, despite the fact women are now outranking men in obtaining post-secondary degrees and beyond. Ask any woman who has just decided to have or has just had a baby what is more important to her: raising her family or rising up the corporate ladder. It really should not be about either or. Women can have both. The climate in the corporate world is changing, and the ones that are coming out victors are the ones who acknowledge the unique gender differences, embrace the idiosyncrasies, and create harmony in their workforce. In fact, we as a society need to learn how to create this balance. Stress levels are at an all-time high. If we do not learn how to communicate more effectively with one another so that our relationships both in and out of the workplace are more balanced there is not going to be a thriving population a few generations down the road. We now understand the research behind the hormones responsible for men and women coping differently with stress, and how this actually increases stress levels in the opposite sex—both at work, and at home. The companies rising to the top are the ones which embrace gender intelligent communication. Why? People are able to communicate with each other more effectively, be more productive, and are generally happier, because they feel heard and respected. The levels of women and men at the top of corporate will equal out when this change in culture is embraced.

Earlier this year on BNET both Kimberly Weisul blogged about people still discriminating against women when they make investment and leadership decisions and Margaret Heffernan blogged about bias blinding us to being more successful by incorporating that which is unfamiliar into our decision-making process. Margaret is encouraging us to embrace, hire, and work with whomever and whatever is different from us. I’m throwing my two cents in as well to add to this discussion, as the timing is right and we are ripe for change. I am a former Marine Corps officer, who also happens to have a master degree in counseling. I have lived the experience of being in a male-dominated world. I also have the knowledge base from counseling that most problems, whether they are personal or related to work, are caused by a failure in communication due to unrealistic expectations and unexamined assumptions. With that being said, one of the major areas I work with people on now as a Mars Venus Success Coach is helping people communicate more effectively to improve both their professional and personal relationships. Articles abound with what is unfair and wrong about why women are not being slotted in top executive positions. Mars Venus Coaching is well aware there are still ceilings to break so we can build a stronger, more efficient, more balanced workforce. We’ve gotten this far operating on the premise (which is both an unrealistic expectation and unexamined assumption) that men and women are equal, deserve the same opportunities, and should be treated the same way. Women with their degrees not too long ago stepped up to the plate to take on executive positions. Many wondered why it was so difficult to be promoted or to be paid an equivalent wage. The world they were operating in was one created by men. Unfortunately, this is still the case in most industries. Most of the corporate world still operates in a system gender-biased to men’s style of communicating. Women are now and have been in the workplace since our first world war, and the phenomena being discussed centers around the shift that has occurred with more and more women being in the workforce. Countless studies now show women seek and obtain BOTH undergraduate and graduate degrees at unprecedented levels. With the slip in the economy, more women have also hung up their hats and returned to raising their kids, because the climate in corporate was not habitable for long-term residency. It is intolerable that we continue to operate from the prejudice that women should fit into this concept of “corporate” that was designed by and for men.

With more women in the workforce communicating in the style unique to their gender, corporate is no longer a man’s world. To prove this point, the companies that fiscally are succeeding and surpassing their counterparts are the ones who embrace the unique differences of the sexes into their climate. This is where Mars Venus Coaching feels the focus should be—on the solution of how we make ALL companies this way. We should focus more energy and our resources to raising awareness of how to intelligently communicate with one another so that all of our goals are met. If we are able to respect each other for what we have to offer, then the quality of life for everyone both in the workplace and at home will rise. The answer lies in acknowledging, understanding, respecting, and encouraging our different communication styles based on the proclivities of our gender. If we can figure out how to communicate intelligently, where no one person or style or way is better than the other, then relationships will become re-balanced both at work and at home. As I commented on Kimberly’s blog, leaders know that their _____ (you fill in the blank, as you are a leader right now in evoking this change) is only as successful as the quality of their relationships with their people. There will be no ceiling to break, because a new corporate world will have been created embracing the culture shift, climate change, whatever you’d like to call it where both men and women are respected equally for their uniqueness.

There is uniqueness between the sexes in the ways we communicate with each other. Our communication style lies at the heart of our expectations. Generally speaking, women want to participate in the decision-making process, and men want to delegate. For example take something as mundane as shopping for groceries. Women may want consensus in the household or with whomever the dinner guests are that they will like what she buys. She may ask her husband what he’d like for dinner the upcoming week, and his typical response may be, “just get something. You do the shopping.” He’s made the decision he will eat whatever is made, and she can decide what to get without him. Which one is right? There is no right answer, this is just a tendency men and women have when buying or selling. Similar conversations go on in the workplace as well in regards to should we invest in this prospect, market to this target audience, or sell to this buyer. What will take businesses to the next level is the recognition that men and women have unique ways of communicating, and bringing both to the table makes for more profit not just with the bottom line, but also in regards to quality of life. What needs to be happening now amongst us is a discussion on how we can lift each other up and create balance. Are you familiar with Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? I bet you have heard of this concept, but have you incorporated this language into how you deal with your family and friends? What about using gender intelligent communication with your co-workers? Dr. John Gray’s life work deals with explaining the ways men and women communicate differently so that we can have better relationships, both at work and in our personal lives. The coaches as Mars Venus Coaching are working globally with executives, businesses, and individuals to promote this climate of gender difference acceptance so that more people are able to experience success—whatever that means for them—in their lives. The quest is to re-balance people in their relationships so things like their business, which is supposed to be a vehicle to enable them to live the lifestyle of their dreams, is just that an enabler so they can have both work and play. Using Mars Venus as a language to help one another understand the opposite gender’s tendencies unlocks the door for people wherever they are on the corporate ladder or in their personal lives to use their business as a vehicle to the lifestyle they want, instead of business being their lifestyle.

The Mars Venus explanation in gender intelligent communication allows for dialogue to enter into the workforce about how our styles complement each other. You cannot find another coaching or consulting company that incorporates gender intelligent communication into all facets of their services. Mars Venus Coaching operates on this premise for success. To spread the solution for what’s needed to stabilize the shift currently underway to keep women in the workforce, and normalize equal numbers of executives at the top what needs to happen now is for companies to work from the real premise (not an unexamined assumption we’re equal or an unrealistic expectation that we’re equal) that companies are stronger, and they perform better when gender intelligent communication is embraced, encouraged, and respected. Getting back to the points generated  by bnet discussions, yes, both discrimination and bias stands in the way of the most educated and informed person making investment and leadership decisions. This is due to foggy glasses. The good news is that we can clean our glasses, remove some of the foggy filtering, or take them off completely. There is room for a solution, and there is a way for everyone to gain balance and meet their goals. Our glasses are foggy, because we choose to operate with the filters gained through experience, and our own internal dialogue telling us what to think, say, and do. However, any coach or mental health professional will tell you to make the best informed decision you have to operate from reality; meaning, what’s in front of your face, so you live in the present moment and operate logically based on facts, not on bias, discrimination, judgments (also known as unexamined assumptions and unrealistic expectations). What this means is we have to divorce our petty biases and discriminatory judgments from the situation. The easiest, fastest way to do this is to communicate with one another based on our gender’s unique style of communicating. This requires active listening, and the ability to say what needs to be said in the dialect the other person understands, not your own. Active listening is a method that is taught in Mars Venus Coaching extensive training sessions.  So men—it behooves you to pick up on women’s nonverbal and verbal communication when talking to women and reflect back what they are saying, and vice versa. When you are able to practice these skills at more effective assertive communication, and come from a genuine place of connecting, the sky is the limit for how far you’ll go in your professional life (personal too!).

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Success Coach

Mars Venus on how to Hire Stellar Employees with the Four Hour Format

What helps employers find better employees?  Mars Venus realizes some employers may be utilizing monster, google searches, and checking out potential employees Facebook profiles to find better qualified candidates. Here’s a new way of hiring for your company that you may not have been aware of thus far, but is more time-efficient and cost-effective. Mars Venus explains, if you don’t change your hiring process system, then you’ll just get more of what you’ve already gotten. Here’s a proven recruiting and induction system on how to get the cream of the crop. The four hour format is based on the following four principles:

(1)    Attracting a large pool of applicants allows a greater likelihood to find the right person.

(2)    Utilizing multiple levels of screening, less time will be wasted on lengthy interviews with under-qualified applicants.

(3)    Observing a shortening list of applicants performing essentials of the position in real-time eliminates being surprised on the first day with an applicant’s actual vs. referenced performance.

(4)    Assessing a short list of applicants helps ensure you’re making an appropriate match.

If you hire a person on the first meeting, I guarantee you it will not be the same person in 2 weeks. You’re taking a risk. You really are calling on Lady Luck and the luck of the draw if you base your decision on the 1st interview. Typically, you show the best version of yourself when you first meet someone. How about after meeting someone for the fourth time? The 4 step process requires applicants to show up 4 times. Those able to follow through and are consistent in their demeanor are the ones who really want the job. You are not necessarily looking for the right or wrong person, the 4 hour format allows you to just get more of a feel for the person.

Mars Venus has devised a  4 hour format is designed to give 1 hour meetings over 4 times with 1 or 2 days in between.

Step 1

The first time you meet is in a group. (Don’t tell applicants beforehand that it is a group interview.) The first meeting let’s you see how they interact with other people as you identify their personality profile, and what the job entails. Near the end have an impromptu stand up session where applicants tell the group why they should be hired over everyone else. A typical group is about 8-10 applicants. Companies often require group work, and this meeting is designed to weed out people who do not like that environment, or are unable to work in a group.

Step 2

The next meeting one to two days later is  1-on-1 deeper, job expectations, what they’ll do with the pay, show up on time a second time, wear same professional clothing about 50%, 15 in room 10 to next step. Or only 1.

Step 3

Two to three days later do an on-site screening of your leads (test drive). This is where they meet the rest of the team 1 on 3. Mars Venus suggests at this time each of your team members can ask questions to assess if the applicant is qualified, and if the dynamics are there to work within your organization. Identify what 3 things are absolutely essential for this applicant to do well? Then test drive candidates to complete 2 to 4 hour trial of top 3 responsibilities/tasks of positions. De-brief on-site screening (test drive) with candidates. Include your existing team members in review of candidate performance.  At this meeting see again if the applicants are presenting themselves as the same person as on the first meeting. Do they consistently show up on time? Are they courteous? Are they still dressing professionally? Develop your short list of candidates (around 2-4).

Step 4

This is the actual final interview and hire. If the applicant has shown up all 4 times, if the applicant has been on time all 4 times, the applicant has been wearing professional clothing each time, they have been presenting themselves the same. Then the last man standing wants the job for the right reason. Use open-ended vs. close-ended questioning: “what have you…, how have you…” to uncover actual past experience pertaining to skill set and tasks required for your position. Use the same questions for all interviewees, then rate the response 1-5 and record comments. Rank short list according to preferences, then check references of top choice.  There are several websites offering pre-employment Test that will facilitate the process.  Then negotiate salary and make an offer by completing the hiring agreement/contract.

Mars Venus Believes if you follow this process to the letter and you will hire qualified employees that stand up to the test of time. Try this system if what you have been doing to hire candidates has not worked for you in the past. Close the door at step 1 if the applicant is not able to abide by your expectations.

Mars Venus on Gender Intelligent Communication

For anyone attending recent women’s business conferences or reading the latest articles devoted to the lack of women in the executive ranks, Mars Venus Coaching asks you to open your mind to the possibility of a quick, yet long-term fix to increase the status of women in the corporate world. There is an undercurrent of paranoia and frustration about why numbers are not equalizing among the sexes at the top of the leadership pyramid. These feelings of uneasiness are in response to being run ragged by constant low-grade stress. Whenever we ask people if they are familiar with the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, there tends to be an instant lighting up of the eyes, and an intake of breath. This term coined by Dr. John Gray when he wrote his best-selling book of that title back in 1992 is now considered to be part of our society’s vernacular. Dr. John Gray has written many books relating to the Mars Venus dynamic (16 and counting). Instead of reading the research and literature, the following is a quick synopsis of why implementing this quick fix is imperative. It’s important not only for women to remain in and ascend the corporate ladder, but also to re-balance and give quality of life back to everyone in this fast-paced, high-tech world. The solution Mars Venus refers to is introducing gender intelligent communication into professional development training.

Our current expectations and assumption men and women are equal, and therefore must be treated the same is both an unrealistic expectation and an unexamined assumption. To address reality, the solution is to address the real issue, and that is the current state of men’s communication style being preferred, while disregarding how women communicate. The solution then is to teach how men and women communicate differently in workshops at work. Women are up against a brick wall when it comes to fitting into a culture that disregards their unique gender-based contributions of working and relating to others. The solution of teaching gender intelligent communication implements a culture shift at corporate to equally embrace and respect men and women’s unique gender contributions. Continuing to force women to assimilate to a male created work climate is unwise. Now we are armed with information regarding why and how it damages both our bodies (health and wellness wise) and our relationships (at work and at home).

The latest research shows how men and women’s interaction with stress is different in three ways. The first is how the chemicals in our brain respond differently to stress. The second way we’re different is we produce different stress-reducing hormones. Men reduce stress by producing testosterone, and women reduce stress by producing oxytocin. And the third is the way we reduce our stress. How we produce the stress-reducing hormone based on our gender, actually increases the other gender’s stress! The research is good to understand the why’s behind the way we behave, and more importantly why we communicate differently the way we do with one another; however, what is more germane to this discussion is the quickest way to balance men and women in the workplace. The easy answer is we do this through gender intelligent communication workshops.

The culture needs to change, and the quickest way is to train people in the ways men and women communicate differently. The first level of learning is awareness. The second level is putting it into practice. Previous solutions offered saved face. This “lip service” backfired with more misunderstanding and disgruntled employees. This solution does not promote women being promoted without hard work or merit. The companies which accept and respect women’s unique penchant for attention to detail while they incorporate everyone into the decision-making process at the same time as when they identify emotional consequences are the companies gaining recognition for success and increased quality of life for its employees and customers. This solution is not lip service, because it requires an immediate call to action to train people how to effectively communicate.

When the two different gender styles of communication are both given credit for their strengths and weaknesses, then the playing field is leveled, because our unique ways of relating to one another are understood, respected, and embraced. Changing the way we talk to one another, in essence, is the fundamental first step that has heretofore been missing. A culture shift occurs when we are able to open our hearts and minds to understand the other person’s way of communicating as being a slight variation in dialect. The modus operandi of male communication patterns or else is outdated. Running a balanced work world embracing both men and women’s unique contributions acknowledges everyone’s gifts. In turn this makes the workplace more productive and conducive to both new growth and change as the workforce assimilates cultural awareness. There will be equal numbers of men and women in and at the top in the corporate world once everyone is respected for their method of communicating. Lucky for us the by-product is lower stress levels for all. This goes a long way for our economic, health, and marriage crisis; which would be easier to handle if our relationships were open, honest, healthier, and a source of comfort both at work and at home.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Corporate Media Relations

Mars Venus Coaching

 

 

Inspiring vs. Motivating Employees

We have all worked with an employee who seems to be beating to their own drum. They are either out of step with the rest of the company’s climate, or completely off target. How many of us have tried to motivate this employee to get with the program? How many have written it off as not their problem? How many of us have tried to motivate this employee and failed spectacularly? Do we know the difference between motivating and inspiring others? And, did you know that what inspires a male, generally does not inspire a female? Mars Venus Coaching explains how men and women’s communication styles are different, but equal. When you understand these dynamics, then you are able to tap into and help people draw out their potential like never before, because you are speaking to their heart when you speak their same language at the same time you inspire them to greatness.

Let’s first address the difference between motivation and inspiration. When you attempt to motivate others, the motivation comes from outside an individual. Basically, you can motivate anyone to do small things faster. However, when you are externally driving a person to work more or faster, the effect lasts as long as the motivation lasts and is short-lived at best. As a leader in order to inspire an employee to greatness and to develop into their best self requires a little more time and patience as you focus on educating them to draw out their own conclusion. When you push-in or force someone to be something they are not, the result is short-lived. The etymology of the word education is derived from the Latin, educare, which means “bring up.” Educare is related to educere “bring out,” “bring forth what is within,” “bring out potential” and ducere “to lead.” Therefore, when you are in the act of educating someone in this sense, you are inspiring them to be the best they can be. This is the process to unlock intrinsic motivation for the person to keep excelling according to their own will.

Now that you understand the difference between motivating and inspiring an employee, let’s look at the different ways you would do this for a man verses a woman. The key lies in the “why,” and the way in which you find out a person’s why depends on their gender, because men and women are socially taught different ways to communicate their preferences. If you can identify why a person would want to motivate themselves to be more productive, then you are able to unlock this process of drawing out potential for them. Inspiration to increase their capabilities will then become internal.

A large majority of the challenges we experience across gender begin with the different ways the gender’s use language to communicate. The words we use (or don’t), and the meanings we attach to those words affect how we view each other. Sometimes we use exactly the same words but attach completely different meanings to them. The easiest way to remember the difference is the preference for men to use “I” and women to use “we” when speaking. Women’s communication style is from a point of inclusion, because they are socialized to be inclusive, i.e. maintain harmony; and consequently, women tend to use “we” when speaking. Men, however, are socialized for independence and tend to exclusively use “I” when speaking.

To Inspire Men:
Promote Yourself
Avoid Tag Endings
Be Direct and Concise
Make Acknowledgements Direct and Simple

To Inspire Women:
Build Rapport
Avoid Monopolizing the Conversation
Respect her Abilities
Involve, Do Not Lecture
Be Precise and Specific with Praise

Remember, the best way to help someone become self-motivated, and therefore inspired to bring forth their own potential is to tap into the “why” behind what they are doing. When we are cognizant of the different dialect men and women use, then we are able to communicate in a manner where the other person is comfortable. You can then focus on the underlying “why” reasons behind why people perform the way they do. When you are able to identify what you like, and praise what you would like to be repeated—you are coming from a place rewarding positive behavior. And, everyone likes to be told what they are good at, not what they could do better.

Dealing with the Isolation of a Breakup

Working through the deep sorrow that no one wants to talk about.

Working through the deep sorrow that no one wants to talk about.

The fact of the matter is, it’s ok to feel bad after a break up. Especially if you have been together for a long time. You have shared everything from checking accounts to the same tastes in DVR recordings. You have to allow yourself time to heal. Whatever reason the break up occurred , whether it was one sided or not, you are left with half an empty closet where before you didn’t have enough space for your “too many shoes.” That extra set of dishes you kept in the pantry just in case lots of guests came over, is now gone along with the box of extra wine glasses. All the little extras that made both your lives just a little more comfortable, are gone. Those voids that remind you of another life when you were a part of a partnership with the other half that made promises to honor and cherish til death do you part are now all gone.

It’s ok to hurt and it’s ok to cry. You need that time to heal but here’s the rub. With every tumble and fall, there is stand up and shake it off. The problem with feeling hurt, it eventually gets old. All your friends have patted you in the back and have said their “Poor BABY” AND “He wasn’t worth the effort” then went back to their needlepoint. Even the best of friends will grow tired of the drama and leave you sitting all alone on your pitty pot. Now you feel that knock down isolation. The loneliest you have ever felt. So lonely, your heart breaks as regular as the ticking of a clock.

Heavy sigh, so now what? Start a kennel for wayward cats? Don’t even think it. NEED I SAY? Time to pull yourself up by your bra straps and empower yourself by getting out of the house at social events, hang out with friends, shop for more shoes. Be anywhere but home looking at the phone waiting for him to call. Ladies stalking your ex on social media is NOT considered a social event. Many cities have on-line meet-up clubs where you can meet people of “Like” interest. There is bound to be something you would be of interest. Find a happy healthy routine that fills your day. Whether it be running, hiking, karaoke, the local wine tasting club.

Funny thing about woman, when we do things for ourselves like workout, primp, shop, hang out with our friends, we produce a lovely little chemical called Oxytocin into our system that pretty much makes us “Glow.” What happens when a woman glows? Well first, she is happy light hearted a pleasure to be around. Second, she becomes more attractive to the opposite sex (that should send the ex into bonus frenzy). Third, she is more productive at work and at home. Hmmmm there’s an avalanche of good stuff happening once you get past the healing.

So let’s recap. Breakup, Crying, Healing, Clean up the closet, Buy more shoes, Work out, Build oxytocin, Looking good, Glow, Looking better, Attract a handsome man, Build more oxytocin, Buy a new outfit because handsome just asked you out. Did I mention all this? It’s under the subtitle “When a woman GLOWS she is more attractive to the opposite sex.” It’s just a natural occurrence people, work with me.

It just takes some time, some more than others and never over night. Just remember the longest journey starts with one step. All in all, it’s ok to hurt but not to the point that it robs you of your best years. Besides the best revenge is living well and you can’t accomplish that sitting on the pitty pot.

Dolores Baltierra

Mars Venus Coaching

 

Mars Venus Explains the Man Cave

It's not a couch.  It's a MAN CAVE.

It’s not a couch. It’s a MAN CAVE

Couch time, A Right time for Men ?

We live in a world right now that is fast paced. The leaps technology makes in just a year are staggering, aren’t they? How many people have just one email anymore? How many people use their cell phones not only to talk, but to text, email, use GPS, surf the internet, listen to music, and schedule appointments? How many people were using Nooks or iPads last year in March verses this year? What about using Twitter, Linked In, and Facebook accounts? I first read Dr. John Gray’s best-selling relationship book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus back in 1992, when I was 11 years old. I understand men needing cave time backwards and forwards. Or so I thought until our recent family vacation began with a 15 hour trip (including 2 car rides and 3 flights/2 layovers) that quickly turned into an ultra-marathon 20 hour trip to include all the above with 3 delayed flights, high winds, and a snow storm to navigate through…and then the next day our toddler on our 6 year anniversary threw up on Mommy, and only Mommy, seven times! Remember I said I understood cave time? Turns out the more important factor is implementing this concept ESPECIALLY when the going gets tougher.

Did you know when men experience more stressors in their life, their body gives out little signals telling them to stop, sit down, relax, and do nothing? As women we scratch our heads, beat our chests, complain, yell, cajole, and constantly question why the first thing the guys in our life do when the pressure is building is to shift gears, disconnect, and go into a zone or nothing box where frankly women are not allowed. When women get more stressed out, we do the opposite of sitting, because our to-do list keeps growing, as our brain works even harder to make sure everyone and everything is taken care of. For women the most important thing we can do to reduce stress is to connect with others by talking things out and emoting. It’s how our bodies are designed to respond to stress!

When we interrupt a man during his cave time his stress level increases, because we are not giving him time to replenish his testosterone. When men tune out, want to listen in to their favorite sport’s team scores, fall asleep on the couch, or just plain sit down to sit and do nothing….it is their body’s physiological response to how a man’s body increases the stress-reducing hormone testosterone.

It is hard enough adjusting a toddler to time zone changes, on top of having food poisoning. Unwittingly I kept piling on demands. As we were negotiating gym schedules, fitting in time at the hot springs, time with grandma, and time with our friends vacationing with us—my husband jokingly said one of the things he most looks forward to on vacation is uninterrupted time to read. What this really translates to is uninterrupted time for my hubby to replenish his testosterone. When I’m attentive to his needs, then he is able to replenish his store of testosterone, and thereby reduce his stress. And believe me, after the first two days of travel and re-adjustment and non-stop go, this statement from him is priceless. He is the epitome of patience, so when he gave me this gem, the least I could do was ensure he got his reading time! If he is less stressed out, then he becomes more attentive to my needs. As the “nurturer” and “care-giver” in the family, I have to remind myself daily to make sure I do not interrupt my husband in his cave.

When I allow my husband to tinker in his cave, or do nothing he replenishes his stress-busting stores so he can help out at home and with the kids faster than if I jumped on him when I needed relief myself to begin replenishing my stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin.

It sounds counter-intuitive; however, it is inversely proportional to how much help I receive in growing our son, tending to running a family, and investing in our relationship. When I allow him this uninterrupted time to relax his muscles by sitting and reading, he is able to replenish his testosterone quicker, than if I interrupted or bugged him to help me out the second he walks in the door from work, or the second I begin to get overwhelmed about the stressors of traveling with a toddler, dealing with delayed flights, making sure reservations are not cancelled due to our delayed arrival at our destination, and uncertainties if our luggage will show up at the same time as we do! For some guys it may be watching a favorite TV show, surfing the internet, reading the newspaper, or tinkering on a hobby—or all the above…but, by allowing him this time to unwind and rest his muscles, I am actually investing in the longevity and well-being of our marriage. When I allow him to do this, and I make this time sacred for him, then he is able to rejuvenate, and give back to the needs I require to both reduce my stress, but more importantly receive his help—whether this is being a good provider, helping out around the house, or being heard when I need to talk out my day.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

 

Attitude is Everything!!

Attitude Is Everything.  What You do with it is YOUR Choice.

Attitude Is Everything. What You do with it is YOUR Choice.

From President & CEO, Rich Bernstein

Choosing A Mars Venus Coach as the vehicle to hold you accountable to achieve your potential is a great step. Congratulations on taking some action. You’ve chosen the right brand for your needs as we continue to gain momentum and change lives for the better. It is the start of the summer, and to keep your energy high and focused on success I wanted to briefly talk about remaining positive as you come across obstacles in your path to personal success. I often tell my coaches to “believe more in yourself that you are successful, more than others think you aren’t successful.” Attitude is everything. When we are optimistic about ourselves and our outcomes, and we put in the belief, effort, and action to bring about this change; then the only way to move is up. There you have it the sweet smell of success.

I came across someone’s facebook status the other day that said, “I will fail more times today, than other people will ever try.” Isn’t that poignant? Mars Venus Coaches does this on a daily basis, both within the coaching network and externally with you, our Mars Venus clients. There are three ingredients to success that we at Mars Venus Coaching believe strongly: (1) positivity, (2) taking action, and (3) accountability. When you are able to look at life as full of possibilities, then obstacles become easily surmountable. Obstacles whether they are identified or unforeseen are easy to overcome, especially when you join the Mars Venus Coaching team, whether that is as a coach or a Mars Venus client. Our coaches are client’s themselves, as we routinely network with each other to support one another’s short and long term goals. Why do I say life becomes easier to navigate when you first have a positive frame of mind? The second step is creating an action plan that specifically transforms your dream into a vision with goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, results oriented, and time-framed. The third part to being successful, which Mars Venus Coaching brings to you, is accountability. Once you have a plan, you have to take action in order to actually make a change in your life. Fear is a big part of our resistance to change. This is why a positive attitude is so important when choosing to undergo major life changes. Studies show people are better able to follow-through and adapt to change when they have someone else holding them accountable to complete these necessary actions. By doing something new, you are taking a step forward to the future you envision for your success. Add to this a mindset that it will all work out in the end, and you will be setting yourself up for success. The point being, you are moving forward toward your goal. We here at Mars Venus Coaching give 100% effort and 100% positivity every day. We require this of you as well, because we cannot be more committed to the process of change than you. Why? You’re the driver. Mars Venus Coaching is your vehicle to get to your desired end-state faster. Every time you meet your goals, we will be there right with you to help you get to your next destination.

When you choose to live your life with positivity, that inner light is bound to shine through. Other people will be attracted to this positive energy, and the more you help raise other’s optimism by your enthusiasm, the more people will come back to you for more. In a world where many people wish they were living their dreams, wish they were fulfilled, wish they had more…time, love, wealth…We know what the secret is to success—it’s your attitude. If your emotions back you 100%, meaning if you believe in yourself and your vision, then when you take the action steps to implement your goals, you will be successful, because you are not standing in the way of your potential by naysaying. This secret attitude—positivity—will trump negativity any day. Positive Attitude is King. And, you have it. Now go out there take action. You are in the business of changing and transforming lives.
Rich